My Recurring Nightmare...analysis anyone?

Okay....so I have been having this dream recurrently for many, many months...if not longer. 

It's finals time. I'm assuming undergrad, but it could have been grad school...in the end, that doesn't really matter. It's a math class. Which one? Doesn't matter. I didn't like any of them! So, it's the final coming up and I go in to take it, but am realizing there is no way I can pass the class because it's the first time I have been to class except for the first one. So, I haven't taken any of the interim exams or projects or homework...etc. And I have to pass the class to graduate and I'm not going to pass because I haven't done any of the work. And there's this huge panic. Then I wake up.

I'm, honestly, tired of having this dream! What the heck! Maybe I won't have it anymore now that I've written it down!!

Napping: The Final Frontier

Anyone know how to get a 3 1/2 month old baby to take a nap on a regular schedule???? I sure don't.

Writer's Workshop Writing Prompt: Grab your current read.

Wendesday's Writing Prompt from Mama Kat's Losin' It! (http://mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com/)

Grab your current read. Let the book fall open to a random page and share two “teaser” sentences from that page, somewhere between lines 7 and 12.

Yes, I chose this one because the other choices were heavy and I don't have the energy to cry right now. I am cheating slightly because as it turns out there are more than two sentences that grab me on this page. How oddly appropriate that I randomly fell upon it, however.

"I would not have done anything differently. All of the moments in my life, everyone I have met, every trip I have taken, every success I have enjoyed, every blunder I have made, every loss I have endured has been just right. I'm not saying they were all good or that they happened for a reason--I don't buy into that brand of pap fatalism--but they have been right. They have been....okay. As far as revelations go, it's pretty lame, I know. Okay is not bliss, or even happiness. Okay is not the basis for a new religion or self-help movement. Okay won't get me on Oprah. But okay is a start, and for that I am grateful." --The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World. by Eric Weiner

So, it's more than two sentences, but it's an awesome paragraph and I thought I'd share.

Things this illness could be, but probably isn't...

M'kay. I've been sick for nearly a week now. So, instead of going to the doctor's office (where I would have to take my three month old daughter with me....to the germ infested waiting room...though I would obtain professional help), I went to the WebMD "symptom checker." Apparently, the illness could be very, very serious. I won't go through everything on the very extensive list, but I will hit the highlights. Just so we know what information we're operating with the symptoms are: headache, fever, nasal drainage and congestion and earache.

(1) Aseptic Meningitis: Meningitis is a potentially life-threatening infection of the meninges—the tough layer of tissue that surrounds the brain and the spinal cord. If not treated, meningitis can lead to brain swelling and cause further disability, including coma and even death.

*'Cuz its just not an illness unless it can cause coma and even death.

(2) Cryptococcosis: Cryptococcosis is caused by a fungus known as Cryptococcosis neoformans. The infection may be spread to humans through contact with pigeon droppings or unwashed raw fruit. Contact with an infected individual may also spread the infection.

*I just knew those pigeons would prove to be trouble. I won't touch a public water fountain, but I will willingly roll in pigeon crap. Just a bundle of contradictions, I am...

(3) A Foreign Body in my nose: The nose is a surprisingly deep space that extends directly back into your face. A relatively small portion of the nasal cavity is visible by looking into the tip of the nose. In the back of the nose, the space turns downward and connects to the back of the mouth.
Only the imagination limits the objects and circumstances that result in things getting stuck inside the nose. Common objects found in noses include food material, tissue paper, beads, toys, and rocks. Most cases of foreign bodies in the nose and nasal cavity are not serious and occur in toddlers and children from 1-8 years. Because children develop the ability to pick up objects at about the age of 9 months, this problem is much less common before then. An object that is simply stuck in the nose and not causing other symptoms can usually wait until morning or the following day for removal. The object does, however, have to be completely removed quickly and without discomfort and danger.

*I'm going to go out on a limb and say I didn't stick anything (nor had anything stuck) up my nose. I think I would have remembered...but then again....

(4) Myopia (nearsightedness): Nearsightedness (myopia) is a common cause of blurred vision. If you are nearsighted, objects in the distance appear blurry and out of focus. You might squint or frown when trying to see distant objects clearly.

*As I have been wearing glasses for this very condition since I was 11 years old, I'm going to say this is probably not the underlying cause of my present distress.

(5) Sunburn: too much sun or sun-equivalent exposure. Although seldom fatal, sunburn can be disabling and cause quite a bit of discomfort.

*Though I did visit the beach last weekend and am quite fond of the sun, unless its an invisible sunburn that causes nasal congestion, drainage down the back of my throat, headache and a fever, I'm going to rule this one out.


Though I find WebMd very useful, in this particular case I am going to go with my gut and guess its just a sinusy problem of some sort (which was also on the WebMD list of possibilities) and it will all work out without resulting in coma or death, but in case it does, I love you all. Lots.

Thank you WebMD.

Honest Scrap Award from Nori!

Okay, I'm new to this blogging thing, but apparently, we get awards from other people! SWEET! I never get awards for anything, though I certainly qualify for "Messiest eater when wearing light colors," "Most Sweets Addicted" and "Needs the most sleep of anyone ever born."

So I hear that I'm supposed to list 10 things about myself that are true, but that not many people know about and then tag five other bloggers.

1. I am allergic to apple juice, but not apples. Odd, eh?

2. I need a ridiculous amount of sleep in order to function even remotely well. At least 10hrs. And I haven't gotten that since before Sadie was born!

3. I met my husband John while I was still in high school. I knew I was going to marry him the day I met him. He took some convincing!

4. I never had a pet as a child that my parents didn't end up giving away. :(

5. I have no desire to have Lasix surgery (eventhough my Mom has been pushing) because I don't like how I look without glasses. Even though I hate wearing glasses.

6. I bullied John into naming Sadie. He was never a fan of the name and I can't imagine her as anything else.

7. I hate brussel sprouts. Passionately.

8. I was a vegetarian for a while. I would still be...but I live with carnivores.

9. I prayed for my house to get hit by Hurricane Isabelle so we could get new windows. It hit, but didn't do any real damage.

10. I spent my summer after high school graduation in South America...and hardly speak any Spanish anymore. :(

Bonus 11. I am deathly afraid of open water of any kind. Yet I love to cruise, love to swim and love to snorkel. (But it takes me FOREVER to get into the water.)

Now for the Tag:

http://www.theseoulsurvivors.blogspot.com/

http://www.wojo-shangrila-restoringparadise.blogspot.com/

http://www.marsden7.blogspot.com/

http://www.the1sttimearound.blogspot.com/

http://www.thesinclairfamily.blogspot.com

My two favorite people :)

I love you both more than anything EVER. (Yes, John, even Bunker!)

*Writer's Workshop: Writing Prompt "Where would you like to be?"

Mama Kat's Writing Prompt: Where would you like to be? (www.mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com)

Wow, are there so many ways to interpret this question.

Physically, I dream of being on a beach somewhere. Squishing my toes in the sand and listening to the water lap against the shore while snuggling with Sadie in a hammock slung between two palm trees. A Carribean beach, a South Pacific beach, a Hawaiian beach, it's all the same to me. Peace and tranquility and relaxation.

Financially, I'd like to be closer to black than red. :)

Professionally, and personally on some level, I'd like to be anywhere but here. I'm restless. I have always been. Never able to keep in one place for too long. It's not a gift. It's a curse. It means that I am constantly imagining that things might be better if they were some other way. Some other place. Some other space. Some other version of my life.

What's it all boil down to? Escape. It doesn't matter where I am, I'd like to be somewhere else. Someone else? Perhaps at times. I love being Sadie's Mommy and John's wife, but I hate other aspects of my life and who I am. Is that normal? Probably not, but have I ever claimed to be normal? I have no delusions.

Life. Love. The Pursuit of Happiness. That's where I'd like to be: Unconditionally loved and indescribably blissful. That's not too much to ask is it?!?

Headed to the Banks...

In just 3 short days John, Sadie and I will be headed to the Outer Banks. We'll spend Friday evening and Saturday day enjoying the beaches and cuisine of Kitty Hawk and the fantastic company of our dear friends Dave and Shelly. (And Bob and Melanie...plus the assorted kids) I cannot wait to squish my toes in the sand....

I do so love the beach! :)

The visit.

Long, exhausting weekend. Definitely tied for one of the least restful weekends since Sadie arrived home on the outside.

My Nana Jane came to visit and meet her namesake Sadie Jane. It was wonderful to see her and it was even more wonderful to see her with Sadie. Utter adoration. No one will ever be able to say Sadie is unloved.

Thursday: Pick Nana up from her 8pm flight in Raleigh. Drop her off and get her settled into the hotel. Home around 11pm. Exhausted.

Friday: Up "early" given the very late bedtime. Go to the hotel. Introduce Sadie to Nana. Chat for a bit before taking Nana to her 12 Noon AA meeting. Go home and shower. Got to pick Nana up at 1pm. Meet Lois at Cafe Peroni for a nice leisurely lunch. The food was somewhat disappointing. The soup was lukewarm, the hot sandwich was toasted, but not hot. The service was poor. Very slow, given we were one of only three tables with customers. The tea and desserts were fantastic. I had a cannoli. Love, love, love it. YUMMY! Then we went to Walmart to get Nana a sweatshirt. She didn't pack long sleeves. After searching and searching, she didn't find anything she liked. Lent her one of my "hoodies." Grocery shopping for our cookout Saturday evening. Home to put away groceries. Jane and Sadie took a 20 minute nap. Then to John and Lois's for dinner. Tuna cakes, macaroni and cheese and cinnamon applesauce. Lois was sick. Jane, John and I cooked. Cinnamon cake and caramel ice cream for dessert. Yum! Took Nana back to the hotel. Late to bed again.

Saturday: Nana took some time getting ready this morning so we did too. Laundry and things to do around the house. Sweep and mop the floor and prepare for cookout guests. Trip to Walmart for new foldable table for outside (our outdoor furniture didn't accomodate 8...) and outdoor table cloths, bug candles. Trip to Food Lion for produce. Pick up Nana and home for prep. Nana made cole slaw (2 bads of prepared cole slaw, one large can crushed pineapple, 1/2 cup claw dressing. Refrigerate and top with slivered or crushed nuts of any kind.). We prepped the condiment platter, got the tables set. Welcomed Lois and John, Alycia, Richard and Nicholas. Chatted while John grilled burgers and hot dogs. Ate like piggies. Lois brought macaroni salad and Alycia brought fruit salad. Dessert was cinnamon cake. (Yes, again.) Retire to the living room to chat, watch The Blemont, and play a few rounds of Catchphrase. Everyone departs, John takes Jane to the hotel and Sadie is asleep before he returns. In bed "early." I swear I pass out before the light is off.

Sunday: Nana calls for visitors. She's having some pool time. I go to pick her up...still pool time. The water is too cold for a swim for me, but she braves it for a little bit. I now brave a sunburn. Ouch. Gets showered and dressed. Not bashful at all. Pick up some last minute things for tonight's dinner then sprint home. I hadn't planned on being gone that long and left Sadie with John. He had lots to do. OoPs. Go to Bob and Luanne's so Jane can see their improvements since her last visit. Home to prep for dinner. Jane and Sadie take a little nap. Dinner is steak, potatoes, and corn on the cob all o nthe grill. We eat like piggies. Strawberry shortcake for dessert. Delicious strawberries. I added raspberries as well. Also, I bought some chocolate shells in addition to the regular. I really do prefer the regular although the chocolate was very, very good. An early night for Nana back at the hotel. Early morning tomorrow. Home to clean up the craziness and hop into bed. Watch a little HGTV and rock Sadie to sleep. Asleep before 11pm.

Monday: Up at 4:50am to take Nana to the airport in Raleigh. Nuts. One should not rise before the sun does. It's just not normal. Anyway, pick her up. Off to the airport. Arrive at the airport to check in. Run back to the Trooper to retrieve Nana's purse. Check in. Wait for the wheelchair. See Nana off through security. Leave the airport and head home. Chicken biscuit at Bojangles. Yum! Stop in Durham at Bridgestone/Firestone for a wheel balance and alignment. No space today. Appointment for Tuesday at 1pm. Sturggle to keep my eyes open as I finish the drive home. The exhaustion is setting in. My body aches, I'm nauseous. Home. Work at 4pm. Stop for necessities on my way home. Vaguely remember when I used to grocery shop only once a week and miss it terribly. Can't wait to collapse tonight and hope Sadie is ready too.

Nice visit, but glad there's no more company. So, so tired. Still lots of projects around the house to do, but they can wait a couple of days...at least.

Looking forward to Friday. Outer Banks for the evening/day :)

Seriously trying to behave...

...I have the most overwhelming urge for a snuggle right now. I want to go over to Sadie's crib and pick her up and snuggle her into bed with me. I really, really, really, really wish we had a co-sleeper or a bassinet. That way she'd be right next to the bed instead of across the room in her crib! (John said no!)

What a far cry from before she was born and I thought she needed her own room right away (mostly I think I was afraid of feeling closed in...) ...now I don't even want her across the room! My Snuggle Love Bug!

G'night!

Being at peace with doneness...

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. A LOT of thinking. I am so head over heels in LOVE with my little Sadie Bug. It brings to question, would I want more children? I can honestly say that I think I'm done. 99.9% of the time, I am completely at peace with this. I already miss that brand-new newborn stage. I know I will miss this baby stage. I am sure I will get the sweats from baby fever when Alycia and Missy add to their families (as they both want large families this is more than likely to happen sooner rather than later), but I really, really think Sadie is it for us.

For those of you who knew me Pre-Sadie know that I had serious apprehensions about becoming a mother and when Sadie announced she was coming, I sorta flipped out. I have never been SO HAPPY to have been proven wrong about babies and motherhood. I am loving EVERY SINGLE, SOLITARY MOMENT of life with Sadie. She is amazing. Watching her discover the world is such an overwhelmingly fantastic feeling and just one little smile makes me melt into a puddle of goo. That being said, I feel no overhwlming urge to give her a sibling. I love her with everything in my heart. John and I give everything we have and everything we are to her. Which is not to say that people with more than one child don't, but they're able and I just don't know if I would be.

I had a student remark to me that since my first child was a girl that I now "HAVE to give John a boy." Um. Apparently they don't know me so well. I don't HAVE to do a damn thing! LOL! And, seriously, HE made Sadie a girl so if he wanted a boy so badly he should have given better orders to his little soldiers! But it was the automatic assumption that I would be having more children that sort of surprised me. And when I say that we're done, everyone says, 'you say that now...' Well, why can't I say it now and have it be true?

Can I say honestly that I will never have another baby? No. But I am at peace with an only child. She'll have cousins-a-plenty to play with. Besides, you can't outdo perfection and she is PERFECT. :)

Top ten things I would do if I hit the lotto BIG!

(1) Book a fabulous vacation for me, John, Sadie and our family and close friends. I love you guys. :) I'm thinking somewhere tropical and then at least a week at Disney World. :) My treat. :)

(2) Pay off parents/siblings debts.

(3) Pay off our debts! LOL!

(4) Buy the land next door and build a mega garage for John with a studio above it for his photography and framing.

(5) Buy John the car of his choice...whatever he wants. Really. Anything he wants.

(6) Have the backyard graded, landscaped and build Sadie the ultimate swing set/playhouse.

(7) Finish the trim colors on the house (if we can finally decide on one) and landscape. Hydrangeas galore.

(8) Can you say, SERIOUS KITCHEN?!? Hire Vern Yip (because I love him!!!) to design it. A La Cornue range, double ovens, huge apron sink, vault the ceiling, knock out the wall to the breakfast room (aka: clutter central) for an eat-in kitchen. Replace the doors to the outside. Island with a vegetable sink. Wine cooler (AKA soda cooler!). The works. :) Vern will make it amazing.

(9) Buy a vacation house. St Thomas or St. Maarten. Or a private island in the Bahamas.

(10) Buy John the boat of his dreams....as long as it has an underneath and is sea worthy.

And, of course, (11) invest wisely so I can buy oodles of land and open a no-kill animal shelter. :)

What would you do?

So much to do...

Nana Jane is coming this weekend to meet Sadie. I'm excited and then again, not really. Jane and my mother are still not speaking....or rather, my Mom is not speaking to Jane. This makes me sad, but there's nothing I can do about it. Mom is being very adamant that we are not to see her. Okay. I'm not looking for a fight.

It's the clean up leading up to Nana's arrival that I'm not looking forward to. The house is...well....a distaster. Is it possible a bomb went off and I wasn't aware of it? Seriously? Have we always had this much stuff???  There's just...stuff...everywhere. The second thing I do when I win the lotto is build a garage for John (and storage for me). The first thing I do, of course, will be to book a fabulously long, lavish, tropical vacation for my family and close friends. Just because I love you guys...and I really need the vacation. :)

Well...off to swap the laundry. How do we create so much dirty clothes, towels and rugs? The critters don't help, but seriously....where did all this stuff come from???? It's seriously garage sale time. (Except people here don't have garage sales...they have yard sales....just like they don't have freeways, they have interstates...and they don't have pop, they have soda...and they don't have pecans, they have PEEcans....I could go on and on.) The worst thing is: THERE'S NO DIET VERNORS OR VERNORS OF ANY KIND. It's like hell on earth. :(

The planning has begun!!!

Brit Bat planning in motion. Stay tuned for details! :)

Case of the Mondays...

Uh. It's monday morning. This was probably one of the LEAST restful weekends we've had since Sadie came home. She's still sick, unfortunately and her waking moments are 'required' to be solely devoted to her. I get that. I want to be taken care of when I am not feeling well either. The problem was the only place she was comfortable was Mommy or Daddy's arms. Her swing, crib and pack n' play just wouldn't do. Her bouncy chair placated her for a short time, but ultimately she wanted us and nothing but. This means NOTHING got done this weekend. At least on my end of things. John got the lawn mowed and fertilized and some necessaries taken care of on the Trooper (mostly, making sure its able to tow the camper...the important stuff, you know...). John was feeling (and, frankly, looking) at bit drained so even he was moving slow.

Friday we went to Chapel Hill for a post-partum visit with my OB. It's about 5 weeks later than most post-partum visits, but it's hard to get a pp visit on a Friday AND with my OB. Everything's fine. The IUD is going in on June 12th and that should ensure for quite sometime that Sadie will be an only child. I love being a Mommy, but I cannot at thins time, imagine being a Mommy to more than one. She's perfect afterall. How do you top perfection?! :) We also visited Ruby Tuesday's for lunch. Now, I will admit, this is not my favorite restaurant and its definitely trying to go more upscale than it used to be, but let me tell you...it will be my first choice everytime John will be willing to go there now...just for the tea. You read that right. The tea. They have new iced teas on their menu now. They dice up fresh fruit and add ice and unsweetened (or sweetened) iced tea. I got unsweetened iced tea with peaches. Fresh, sweet, delicious peaches. It was amazing. Delicious. And best of all, free refills! I had two there and our server (who rocked!) was nice enough to give me a large one to go. It was incredibly delicious. A flavor parade! Now if only they would start doing this at someplace where I actually like the food....

We also went to Babies R US and bought Sadie's umbrella stroller. They're the stick strollers that fold up easily and fit in the car trunk or on the floor unlike her Graco stroller that fits her car seat. We took easily an hour comparing them and ultimately ended up with a Chico Traveller in Seventies print. (http://www.chiccousa.com/gear/strollers/ct06-capri/ct06-capri-seventies.aspx) Our other choice was a MacClaren Triumph (http://www.maclarenbaby.com/us/content/view/100/492/lang,en/). This was my first choice, but I was overruled by John and the price tag (50% more expensive than the Chico Traveller). Ouch. Anyway, Sadie wheeled around in her stroller for the remainder of the afternoon and seemed to be happy with our choice. I love her big stroller (the Graco Passage SnugRide Travel System in Melbourne http://www.gracobaby.com/Catalog/Pages/productlistingPage.aspx?catid=10:4001+13:42949594581#/1576) , but the Chico is great for a quick, light stroller.

We met with my therapist this afternoon as well. Good. Our last stop before home was a fantastically wonderful store called A Southern Season. Its like the ultimate in upscale grocery stores. Meats, hundreds of cheeses, freshly baked breads and desserts, a wall of coffee, tea and chocolate, aisles and aisles of specialty foods catagorized by country and type. Tons of fresh flowers, aisles of small appliances, cutting boards and knives. The entire line of Vera Bradley. Aisles and aisles of wines and beers. Dishes and glasses and baking everythings. I love, love, love that store. Bonus: everything was on sale. YEAY! We got John a new coffee grinder (because I used his to grind nuts because my food processor broke...cheap POS) and some other little things. I bought some brandy butter for scones. I love shopping there. I could spend lots and lots.

The resto f the weekend, as I noted, was devoted to Sadie. She had a backslide on Saturday and was uncomfortable the rest of the weekend. I'm exhausted, John's exhausted and I could seriously use a nap....and a decent meal.

I'm on my way to picj Sadie up from Grandma's house shortly and I am hoping she's in an easier mood. We need to cook for Bogey today so we'll be in the kitchen. She does so enjoy cooking with me...at least, I hope she does. :)