It's hard to believe, but one year ago today (July 2, 2008) I discovered that the extreme exhaustion, the waves of nausea and the ridiculous water retention was not, in fact, a result of the stresses of thesis presentation and grad school graduation, but was little Sadie making her presence known with a Big Fat Positive (BFP) on a digital pregnancy test....all four of them. (I like to be sure....)
Despite the nervousness, the trepidation, and the outright fear of becoming a mother, I love every single minute of being Sadie's mother. She is my world and the brightest star in my sky. I think this is the most amazing this I have ever done and will ever be apart of. I can be having the worst day. I can be so exhausted I could fall over and so annoyed I could scream, but one look at Sadie's beautiful smile and hearing the delightful sound of her gorgeous laugh and I know that every single moment of exhaustion and irritation was worth it just to live in that moment with Sadie.
I never thought I was "Mom material." I just wasn't maternal. I love my dogs and cats with everything I have and I didn't think I could ever share that with a baby. I was so wrong. I was born to be Sadie's Mommy. I love watching her learn. I love watching her discover new things and squeal with delight at the sight of her Daddy. Even when I think about labor I realize, every single moment of pain, every contraction, every moment I didn't think I could do it, I am thankful for because it resulted in Sadie Jane in my world. She is perfect with her little fingers and little toes and her beautiful smile and her twinkling laugh. I have never been so thankful to have been proven so very, very wrong. I have never loved anything like I love my Sadie. As much as I want to freeze her as a baby, I am going to enjoy watching her continue to grow and learn and try new things. I have never been happier. Ever. Ever.