Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Stick a fork in me?

I was sure it was never going to happen to me. How could it, after all? I love my little Bug beyond measure. Her infancy was a breeze. She was an easy and delightful baby. But, this....this, "toddlerhood"..... is like a punishment for something I did that was very, very, very bad. I'm exhausted. I'm snappy. I'm not even close to the Mommy I want to be. I am.....a Mommy burnout. I know, I know. It's terrible. I'm so embarrassed. But, the screaming, the throwing, the tantrums, the talking back, the whining, the demands, the touching, the grabbing, the pushing, the..... terribleness of age two.... it's so overwhelming. Where is my darling, curly-haired, angelic baby girl? It's like something has invaded her body and I feel the need to call an exorcist.

Do they have Mommycations? Is it okay to take a break from your child? I mean, I feel so guilty for wanting to do so. I mean, billions of Mommies have survived the terrible two's and come out without much permanent mental scaring, I'm told. But, I need a break! I'm gonna snap! Since my unfortunate unemployment, the stress of the Sadietude had only gotten worse. Now, we spend all day, every day together. And, I mean that pretty literally. Since she doesn't sleep through the night, she usually wakes up next to me in bed, no matter how hard I try, we spend every moment together until her nap time (yes, that includes bathroom time--apparently, I can't do that on my own--Sadie, the dogs and cats need to supervise), then I'm here when she wakes up and we're together until she goes to bed. And I go to bed roughly an hour or maybe two after that--I try to take time for me--tv, reading, computer...etc, but really I just want to sleep without a little body scooching me off the edge of the bed because she has to sleep on Mommy's pillow.

Just a few days? Please? Wouldn't you think I'd be a better Mommy? Or does it make me a worse Mommy? Stay at home Mommies do it all the time, right? All day every day...and a lot of the time with more than one kid! Maybe I'm just not made of tough enough Mommy material? I feel myself floundering...

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