*1.) What's ailing you? Diagnose yourself with a syndrome.*
Obsessive WebMD Symptom Syndrome.
I think there is something you should know. I have had virtually every disease known to man. Most of them are fatal. I know. You will miss me. I will miss you too. In fact, I'd bet I'd be able to diagnose myself with Obsessive WebMD Symptom Syndrome using WebMD. Their symptom checker has allowed me to prepare for my impending death several times. Runny nose, watery eyes, swollen lymphnodes? The common cold? Certainly not! Brain cancer. Pain in my shoulder, numbness in my hand? Perhaps a pinched nerve? Nope! I've had a stroke. Headache, nausea, light sensitivity? A migraine perhaps?? Alas, no. It's jock itch. How can I possibly get through my day knowing my promising life is coming to an abrupt and painful end?
In the end, it always turns out that my brain cancer miraculously cures itself after a week a rest and fluids. My stroke? Well, thankfully just a pop of my shoulder and the numbness disappears!! And, thank heavens, my jock itch clears up with just a couple doses of Immitrex. The aura is gone and my vomiting comes to an end.
I just can't help myself.