Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I can't sleep....

....actually I was sleeping really, really well considering the headache I went to bed with. I eliminated all the points of light I could manage. I made sure the drapes were closed as tight as possible, I closed the bedroom door to the bathroom so the nightlight wouldn't bother me, I covered up my clock and the cable box lights. My head hurt so badly that the light from the baby monitor was even too bright for me. I also turned off my porch light. And if that wasn't enough, I also put my sleep mask on. Big drama tonight of all nights. Tonight my neighbor came over banging on the door, ranting about the dogs and the back porch light. I am a girl at home alone with the baby. The dogs went NUTS. SO much so that Annette had to yell at me through the glass because there was no way I could get the door open with them going wild. You see, I had made the mistake of leaving my mother's dog outside when I fell asleep. He apparently was barking. "Every night." This would be difficult seeing as the dog doesn't live here and, therefore, isn't here every night. Then it was the back porch light. Apparently, it shines in her room. Well. It's there for a reason. Security. It's in my best interest to leave it on. The shed is in the back filled with all sorts of goodies that the people in town stealing from sheds (including the people who live across the street) would just love to have. When my dogs are inside, it's my only line of defense.

I was a good (bewildered looking) girl. I was quiet. I apologized and said I was sorry, I hadn't heard the dog barking. I had managed, for once in a long while, a deep sleep. No ruminating thoughts of which there are plenty. Just praying I could get to sleep while concentrating on the pounding in my head. The pounding on my head turned into pounding on my doors. I, honestly, had no idea what to do. Do I go to the door? All I have is a phone. Do I dial 911 first? Did I miss a call and its someone trying to get in touch with me about Mom, in-laws, Grandma, Nana...etc. Who the heck is at my door at 1am?!?

Did I flip out when her dog ate my moderately expensive shoes that had been on MY porch because of their dampness from the rain? No. When I consistently had to put her dog back in her yard or leave her in mine when she got out? No. When I pick up trash and soda cans and beer cans from the adjoining yard? No. I chalked it up to her being in her 30's and still wanting to live a college existence. I was a neighborly neighbor.

Why not call? She has our number. Waking me up is waking me up, why not do it that way. Why come here in the middle of the night? Why? Why scare a woman you know is home alone with a baby? Why yell at me in the middle of the night? Why not act like an adult and work it out with me rationally? Why act as though all these things were done simply to upset you and your schedule.

Now I am so upset I can't sleep. It's 3:30 in the morning and I am so anxious that I am awake that I'm not sure if I am upset about the situation, upset that I just stood there and didn't say anything or anxious about being anxious. But that's the only way to describe it is anxious. Like the ruminating thoughts and the stress of the day and our current situation in life just came flying back all at once and now I just can't sleep. At all. I am so upset. Why am I letting this bother me? It's nothing. Go to sleep Sam. Seriously. Right now. I am willing myself to sleep. Now. Now. Now.

It didn't work. What the hell is wrong with me?

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