It's been a long December...

"And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last. I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass...." -Counting Crows, Long December

My 2009 was an emotional roller coaster. In reflection, the most obvious source of overwhelming joy was the birth of my beautiful daughter Sadie Jane. It would be easy to say this was the best year of my life. She brought such sunshine to my existence and such happiness to our home. However, as wonderful and amazing and perfect as this year was in so many regards, it was also one of the saddest years of my life. Though some of you will not understand my grief, I lost two of my best friends and constant companions. My Westie Bogey (Bogart!) and my cat Bunker died eight days apart in July and shortly after came "the crash." Whether it was postpartum depression or the overwhelming grief, or a combination of both, something in me fell apart and I found myself drifting and unable to overcome myself to save myself.

Now, at the beginning of 2010 (the year I turn thirty--ugh) I find myself cautiously optomistic about the future. I can't remember a year in recent memory that I have been able to say that. I feel like Sadie has had a positive effect on my outlook on life. I am looking forward to watching her grow up and discover things. I have wonderful, amazingly supportive friends. I have an incredible network of mommies that help me to realize I'm not doing everything wrong and it's likely my baby will grow up to be totally normal and not a serial killer. I have a job I may not love and a house that drives me mad, but it's a lot more than other people have and I am grateful. I have a husband I love more than I can describe and appreciate more than I could ever convey and I am truly blessed. I have faith there is something I will do in this life that will make a difference. Am I where I planned to be at this point in my life? No. But my path has not reached it's end.

"And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last. I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass...." -Counting Crows, Long December

It is safe to say that much of my life has a song. For whatever reason, this song has always had such a significant meaning to me and come the end of the year, every year, I think of it and realize that, regardless of how emotionally draining or tumultuous the year has been there's always a chance next year will be better. Who knew I would turn out to be a closet optimist?

Many wishes for a happy, healthy and blessed 2010.